Monday: Everyone at work must have heard the news that I've had yet another miscarriage. Nobody said much to me about it, which I think actually made things a little easier this week. My charge nurses and manager are still trying to accommodate me by keeping me in triage or in lower acuity rooms in order to try to keep my stress level low and attempt to give me some time off my feet. It's funny though because I've been having dreams of traumas and MI's. Kind of sad, huh? LOL Today I was in triage until 11AM and then got to float the rest of the day. It was nice to actually do nursing work and be involved. it was a GREAT Monday! Kind of scary actually. If it's that good to start, wonder what the end will be like???
Tuesday: My husband, the sweety that he is, let me sleep in. He took our daughter to school and took the dog's to the vet for their grooming appointment. We have two labs and we get them shaved because their shedding drives me crazy! LOL Anyway, I got to sleep until nearly 9 AM! That's not like me at all. The Rid-A-Pest guy came at 10:45. Since we live in the middle of a bunch of fields, we get our property sprayed every three months to keep the spiders and mice away. He's a nice guy, but today was all talkative because his wife is beginning to feel like she's in labor. He was trying to hurry so he could get his work done and head home. Not that I blame him at all, it was sweet seeing a husband so excited about his baby coming, but it was another pregnancy in my face. Bummed me out for a little bit. I paid bills and balanced the checkbook, and then got ready for my OB appointment.
My OB appointment was at 1:15 PM. I got there at 1 PM and signed in. Not three minutes later, they called out to the waiting area that Dr B was called away and should be back in 30 minutes. Well, 30 minutes came and went and no DR B. Finally, after nearly an hour, the receptionist got my attention and told me he was back. It's sad that they know me so well in there, but they do try to look out for me. A few minutes later, I was called to go to the lab for a blood draw and then to Dr B's waiting room. I was shown to an exam room and had my weight and BP checked. When Dr B came in, he said that my blood work done during my miscarriage showed that I don't have any auto-immune disorders causing my miscarriages. Although that was a relief, he didn't really have any answers as to why I keep miscarrying. He said that he did feel like it could be my fibroid. He said that it encompasses 1/3 of my uterus. I asked what could be done about it and he said the only thing that could be done is surgery to remove it, a Myomectomy. He said though that surgery carries with it a lot of risks itself. He said it is considered major surgery and because the fibroid stimulates new blood vessels to form in order to supply it, blood loss is an issue during surgery. He said it leaves the uterine wall thin and can lead to other prenatal problems: difficulty with implantation since uterine wall is thin in that area, miscarriage from poor implantation, and uterine rupture during childbirth from the uterine wall being to thin. As for leaving the fibroid, he said that if the egg implants somewhere other than on the fibroid (which as we know ends in miscarriage), the fibroid may cause some bleeding in pregnancy and some additional pressure as baby grows (because it takes up some of baby's room). He recommended leaving it like it is for now and keep trying to conceive with the "formula they found to work for us." He gave several examples of patients he's had with larger fibroids than mine who have conceived and carried without many problems. The staff said to continue to try to decrease my stress level and time on my feet and to increase my fluid intake. I guess I need to get into the habit now, so it won't be so hard when I'm actually pregnant. I didn't think to ask, but maybe being well hydrated helps during conception and implantation too. Oh, and I saw on One Born Every Minute (the birthing program on Lifetime TV filmed in Columbus, OH at Riverside Hospital) a girl with a grapefruit-sized fibroid who carried a baby without problems and delivered a healthy baby, so that did give me some reassurance.
Wednesday: I worked today and was in triage. Not a bad day at all actually. I felt pretty good.
Thursday: I went into work from 7AM - 2:30 PM. My charge nurse on Wednesday noticed we would be real short Thursday and Friday, so I offered to come in and work extra. I hate to work short-staffed. They are trying so hard to help me though this time and I felt I needed to help out where I can too. I had rooms 1-4 which tend to be higher turnover rooms. It wasn't a bad day, although I was glad to leave at 2!
Friday: Another full day at work. We were steady for most of the day, but had an interesting patient come through the front doors. I could tell though that I was beginning to get cranky by 5 or 6 PM. Good thing I'm off for a few days!!!
Saturday: I went and visited a pregnant co-worker at home. She's overdue and is trying to have natural childbirth, which is admirable. She'd doing well and looks great. In fact, she was cleaning carpets... I don't even have that much motivation! LOL I thought it would be harder to see her, but it wasn't bad at all. What was hard? It was hard shopping for baby gifts for her earlier this week. I walked into Target and when I rounded the corner to the baby section, my heart fell into my shoes. I played with some toys and browsed some cute clothes and quickly decided to grab an infant toy and a box of diapers and high-tail it out of there. I'm so ready to be shopping those isles for my little one, you know?
What else is going on??? Well, my fertility friend looks glum this month. We figured it would. I certainly don't O on my own, and it's very evident when I'm not on fertility meds. I just wish Aunt Flo would come so we could move on to cycle 36 already. Having something to monitor (temps, OPKs, CP and CM, looking for O, monitoring follicles and endometrium, and then the 2 week wait) all give me something to focus on. I feel I'm actually doing something to make our baby dreams come true, you know?
I got on Facebook for the first time in several weeks and discovered a good friend has breast cancer. It really floored me. I know I'm not the only one going through hell, but I guess I get so encased in my own situation that I fail to keep up with those I care about around me. This helped me to get out and see my pregnant co-worker on Saturday. I need to get out more and not be so worried about my feelings getting hurt by those pregnant and with babies all around me. It's a struggle though. I'm thinking about getting involved with a breast cancer awareness something in our area to support this friend. I'll have to do some searching to see what's coming up that I could get involved in.
I finished the book Josie's Story. It's a great story of a mother's struggle and dedication to patient safety after the death of her toddler at John's Hopkins. I cried through a lot of the book. Why did I read this??? Well, it was offered at work and reading it counts for some education hours. It was a great book though and I plan to remind myself of Josie when I'm caring for patients everyday.
I started a new book; Every Drunken Cheerleader, Why Not Me? It's GREAT so far! I totally recommend it to anyone struggling with infertility. I've not related to anything nearly as much as this.
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