Warning: TMI
I had a terrible headache last night, so my husband and I went to bed at about 9:00 PM. We were laying there talking when I suddenly felt as if I were bleeding. I jumped up and ran to the bathroom. Just as I sat down, out plopped a blob about the size of a 50 cent piece. I screamed for my husband and he came running in. For those who have never experience this before, I understand that you may find this crazy and disgusting. For those who have, I know you will relate and probably have similar stories.
My husband grabbed a flashlight and we proceeded to examine this blob. Is it a blood clot? Is it tissue? Could this be our baby??? We really had no idea, but my husband was totally convinced that it was a blood clot. His theory: Since I have been spotting for more than a week, and over the past two days I had times of spotting followed by times without any spotting, he really felt like some blood just collected, formed a clot, and came out all at once. I wasn't quite convinced. I suggested fishing it out the the toilet and looking at it more closely, but my husband gave me a look as if to say "no way", so I left it alone. As for my bleeding, I had a little bit in the pad I was wearing, but it wasn't what we'd expect after seeing a blog like that come out. When I wiped, there was very little on the TP. I hoped with every bit of my heart that my husbands theory was right.
Around 1 AM this morning, I awoke to severe cramping in the right lower abdomen. It felt like it was piercing through to my lower right back. It was so bad, it made me nauseated. Before 2 AM, it had eased off enough that I could actually go back to sleep. By 3 AM, it was back. And then again at 5 AM, it was back again. Finally, at 5:20 or so, I called work and told them there was no way I was going to make it in. I felt like I was having a miscarriage.
My husband brought me some more Tylenol and around 6:30, I was able to go back to sleep for a little while longer. My OB's main nurse arrives in the office around 9 AM on Tuesdays, so I waited until then to call. When I told her about what happened, I also told her I felt like I was maybe making more of it than I should have because since 6:30 AM, I hadn't had any more cramping and I was still only lightly spotting. She still felt I needed to come in. Dr B is in surgery on Tuesday mornings, so he isn't in the office until after noon. The nurse made my appointment for 12:45. My husband took off work to come with me.
When at the OB's office, I was first taken to the lab for a slew of blood work. Dr B wanted to run additional tests to see if I had an autoimmune disorder that may be causing me to miscarry repeatedly. He said he didn't think this was a problem because it is so very rare, but that he wanted to check anyway. Then I was sent to ultrasound. My favorite tech took care of me and showed me everything. I have a small cyst on my left ovary and my right ovary is actually clear of cysts for the first time in forever. My fibroid hasn't grown in size, which is always a good thing, and my cervix appeared closed. She wasn't able to see our baby though. When the ultrasound was over, I was sent back to Dr B's office and placed in an exam room.
They had me get in that paper gown, and I waited for Dr B. My husband and I were still running through all the different hopeful possibilities. Then Dr B came in. He said that he felt certain I was having a miscarriage. He talked about how we've figured out the combination to getting me pregnant, and how I need to try to focus on that. He talked a lot about a lot of stuff, but I was kind of stuck on the "I'm certain you're miscarrying" statement. After a minute, I realized he was telling me to lay back and put my feet in the stirrups. When I did, I could feel some blood come out. Dr B placed a drape under me. He examined me and even had to use large swabs to remove blood clots. When he was done, he cleaned me up again and had me sit up.
Dr B talked some more about future plans. He said he didn't feel like we needed to worry about a D&C at this point, but I needed to stop taking the Prometrium. He said that I could potentially bleed for a week or two and it could be very heavy. He told me that he wanted me to get through this, then in 3-4 weeks, I should have a "regular" period and we'll go back on Clomid after that one as long as it was normal. That's only a month away, which kind of surprised me. My husband asked if we would need to do the IUI, and Dr B said that he would probably do the Clomid and hCG shot again since it worked for us this time. He also said for us not to try to get pregnant just after this bleeding stops because it can increase our chances of miscarriage as the lining won't have enough time to fully replenish. He then said he was sorry but for us to remember that it will happen.
When he left, one of the nurses stayed in the room and also tried to reassure me that they will make it happen for me. Then, all of a sudden, I felt another gush and said "I think I'm bleeding." The nurse grabbed me another drape and helped me to the bathroom attached to the exam room. There was so much blood. When I finally got cleaned up and had got dressed, I stepped back into the exam room. The nurse had stepped out to give us a minute, and my husband was telling me how much blood there was when Dr B examined me. He said it was dripping off the end of the table and was a lot more than he's ever seen, even during my last miscarriage. I could feel he was right. I felt like it was being drained out of me. The nurse came back in, gave me a hug, and told me to take it easy for a few days. She asked when I was suppose to go back to work, and I told her Friday. She said I may or may not feel up to it, and if I don't, to call them and they'll give me a note. She told me to call them any time, and then we left. Dr B wants to see me back in 10 days to recheck quant levels and make sure everything is looking as it should. He also said he should have the additional blood results that were taken today back.
So, here I sit again, empty and barren. For some reason, this pregnancy wasn't meant to be either. My husband said "Third time is the charm. We'll have one this next time." Oh how I pray he is right. I don't know how much more of this I can bear.
Please pray for us. Pray for my sanity, for our peace and healing, and for our future little one. Thank you.
(((hugs))) Oh honey I am so very sorry for your loss. I wish there was something I could do or say to help. Just know you are in my thoughts.
ReplyDeleteMy heart goes out to you and your husband. I'm so very sorry for your loss. Sending lots of prayers.
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