Warning: Some may concider this TMI!
OB appointments were frequent to check progress. Everything was looking great. Then, one day in the ED, I was working and began to have some low back cramping and achiness. I also saw a tinge of pink when I wiped. There is another woman I work with who had twins who was very encouraging and told me that this was all normal and didn't mean anything was wrong. She told me that my body is changing rapidly to accomidate triplets, and not to worry. I did my best to put aside my worry and fear. However, when I got home, my tinge of pink turned into dark red and included some clots.
I instantly freaked out and began to bawl. My husband wanted me to go to the ED, but I wasn't sure. I mean, I wanted to be sure everything was alright, but being an ED nurse, I knew that I'd have to have a pelvic exam...by a doctor that I work with. So instead, I called the L&D desk at the hospital and asked their oppinion. Of course, they wanted me to go to the ED. So, I sucked up my pride and did what was best for my babies.
The pelvic exam looked fine according to the ED doc. He didn't see any clots or tissue, and actually saw very little blood. My hopes were beginning to return. I went for the ultrasound though, and all the tech could talk about was a fibroid she saw on my uterus. I felt like I could just strangle that lady! I didn't care about a stupid fibroid... I wanted to know if my precious gifts from God were safe and sound. How dare she go on and on like that about a stupid fibroid???
I got back to the exam room in the ED and waited on the doc. One of my co-workers came in with him and me and my husband were told that only one sac remained and it was very low in the uterus. Apparently they survive better if they are positioned high in the uterus? So my world came crashing down around me with one sentance. We were told to follow up with our OB the following day. So we did.
Our OB also told us that only one sac remained. I had in fact miscarried two of our babies. He had hopes for the remaining triplet though. He put me on Progesterone to help to "support" it. I was taking it twice a day and was told to follow up with him in two days to recheck my levels and do another ultrasound.
Needless to say, I lost all three babies. I don't think I've ever felt so low. I felt like I had let down my family. How could my husband love me if I couldn't even carry our babies??? Was God mad at me? Had I done something unforgivable? I mean, I've made a ton of mistakes in my life. I've not always been a good Christian, or a good person as far as that goes. But did God not accept my pleas for forgiveness??? Did he really have to give me babies, only to turn around and take them away from me? How do I explain this to our daughter? Does this mean that I'll never be able to carry a baby? What is wrong with me??????
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